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The unpleasant planning. Healthcare, Wills, funerals. etc.
#1
Obviously this is just conversation and you should seek proper legal advice before you execute any plans.  

I attended my brother-inlaws funeral yesterday.  He is my age and it definitely got me thinking about some things I'd prefer to ignore.  He had few assets but so much going on.  I'm not going to share excessive details but he faced very poor health by age 40, a rest home by age 55 and passed away at 60.  He had two adult daughters and the oldest skimmed his assets repeatedly.  His youngest daughter was better.  I finally agreed to be his POA and give him some control back.  His siblings wanted no part of it so I felt I should.   I deeply regretted that as I was punished for helping.  Everyone has hobbies, his became reporting his caregivers to state agencies, fabricating stories and calling sheriff for his entertainment.  Hateful and lived for vengeance.  He even hated me and destroyed me on Facebook.  Distant relatives on his FB feed knew no better so my wife and other inlaws were busy clearing things up.  Several months ago he contacted me and made amends.  I was content to ignore him forever but glad he did that.  You probably get the picture by now.  Pure family drama. 

So what is the point?  He did some things right and wrong that others will deal with now.

When his house and car were sold a few years ago he completely arranged his own funeral and paid for it.  That was a huge relief as his daughters would struggle to come up with money for the after funeral sandwiches at the church.  It went smooth as butter and he had a dignified funeral.  He got that right and I may do the same soon.

He had astronomical unpaid medical and nursing home bills.  He maxed out the lifetime benefit on a Raytheon subsidiary healthcare plan ten years ago.  I don't know what a normal person does about that one. Organ transplants and numerous cardiac episodes aren't cheap when they start halfway through your life.  This is potentially a real threat to your net worth.

He had numerous wills through the years, but no longer wanted his children to receive whatever assets he had.  No clue if he reescnded them.  They never would have made it past creditors in probate anyway.  He officially died broke.  After his passing my wife grabbed a $20 Cabela's shaving bag we bought him for Christmas.  It had a 12 pack of Snicker's bars in it.  We like Snickers and that is her inheritance.  Big Grin Just making things light.  We didn't need anything from him.

Off the record, everyone knew he had a few $K hidden for years.  When he had control of his money he would refuse to pay bills and squirrel it away over time.  He knew his finances were hopeless.  He probably had about $5K cash at his death.  I've heard a rumor his cousin and best friend took it to an attorney and his desire was to put it in a trust for his grandchildren. He intended to leave zero to his children.  He said that for years.  I think I am going to get a lesson in the legal way to hide money so it will survive litigation.    

This story is probably entertaining to anyone who didn't have to endure the drama.  I did learn from it.
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#2
I'm just finishing up a complete overhaul of my will / trust / estate plan / beneficiary designations. What a drag, both from a chore standpoint and psychologically. But important work if you actually care about the people in your life. No better way to harm the family than to leave them to fight about money. My father was an estate / probate lawyer, having drafted countless wills over the years. And yet he died at 87 years old leaving no will of his own. I think he just didn't want to face his mortality. And what a mess it was to clean up. I won't be doing that to my people.
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#3
I have a very simple will, drawn up maybe 20 years ago, updated about 5. Sometime this coming year, once I've been retired for a little bit, I'll draw up another. I have no kids and have already told my two nephews that $500k each is plenty for them IMO - I have already given each of them enough to start a Roth once they met earned income limits. The rest will be for planned giving. A big piece will be deciding what sort of tool to use for this.

I am very sorry to hear about the family issues. Just my perspective but I could never let a fight over money jeopardize my relationships with my sisters. But I have seen it first-hand. In my real job a couple of times I tried to help split a farm family partnership. After two of these I quit. At some point the conversation switched from "Is it better to do or not do this? to "Are we winning?" It was never the farmers but the family. And in a decent-size farm operation you can always find a piece where one side is winning. You don't split a grain handling system or machine shop in half - you get appraisal estimates and reach an equitable agreement where Farm A gets the shop, Farm B gets the grain system.

After I gave up each time they hired attorneys and came to roughly the same arrangement as I did - one case even used the appraisals I had gotten. But while attorneys were always going to be a piece of the process to draw up final documents, in each case the families contributed an extra several tens of thousands to support the legal profession.
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#4
My wills were always touched up when I deployed with the military. It could use a touchup now, if for no other reason than they no when to stop searching for assets. My wife couldn't tell you who our brokers are. Even if you have a will they can be contested so they need to be professional of course.

My wife's extended family are fine people in spite of what I shared. Just one brother that became consumed by a divorce, and it became more ridiculous with each passing year. I hear you on the trying to help out cemanuel. I knew I messed up fast and it was not a fun two years. Consumed many hours of time every week. I'm just sad that at least one daughter is going to believe a conspiracy is in progress. Nobody wanted anything to do with this towards the end. It was nothing but toxic. My POA records are tight, so I will just turn them over when asked. When they see he turned what little assets he had to their children, and nobody else, perhaps it will just end.

The extreme nursing costs at end of life issue still bothers me. I really do think I need to disburse assets early enough to protect them some. .
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#5
Just went through this for a Loved one. The expense up front for Will, Irrevocable Trust, promissory notes,Treatment of assets, (Hard and Paper) etc..was expensive to set up (9K) for her, but well worth it to protect assets and ensure  later in life medicare/medicaid "spend down" does not acquire it all from her. Younger folks have no Idea the actual cost of Long term HC later in Life. She is spending 11K a month for assisted living.

Additionally, Folks need to understand Irrevocable trusts (if you are considering setting one up to protect life long assets need to be in place prior to a mandatory medicare/medicaid Look-back period (varies by state some are 5yr, some 4, some 3). Their are also special provisions for primary residence treatment so the asset is not counted within the computations. There is also the treatment of Inherited IRA's etc that require advanced understanding for any surviving beneficiaries.

This is why I just smile and keep quiet when I here these younger generation kids talk about Financial Independence Retire Early (FIRE) at 35 or some such nonsense.

They Truly have no clue.

Don't put off until tomorrow, what should be done today.

My 2 cents
- Scoot
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#6
> "Everyone has hobbies, his became reporting his caregivers to state agencies, fabricating stories and calling sheriff for his entertainment. Hateful and lived for vengeance. He even hated me and destroyed me on Facebook."

I'm speechless. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
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#7
(12-22-2021, 08:12 PM)ken-do-nim Wrote: > "Everyone has hobbies, his became reporting his caregivers to state agencies, fabricating stories and calling sheriff for his entertainment.  Hateful and lived for vengeance.  He even hated me and destroyed me on Facebook."

I'm speechless.  I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
It's meaningless to this thread other than be careful agreeing to be a power of attorney,  In the latter years he suffered some oxygen deprivation to his brain.  I excused some of his foolishness.  Earlier on though it was a decades long quest for vengeance that started with a divorce and ended with him hating his entire immediate family.  I wasn't raised to hate and neither was he.  His parents, my inlaws, were wonderful.  I'm glad they missed it.
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